Promposal pressure

When some students think of prom, they think of sparkly dresses and trips to the nail salon. Others think of tuxedo rentals and buying corsages. One thing is for certain, everyone thinks about the famous seven word question: “Will you go to prom with me?”.

Over the past decade, a trend of asking this question in creative ways has taken over high schools everywhere. Based off of wedding proposals, “promposals” have become a common occurrence every April through May. Most commonly, you’ll find things like a boy waiting by a girl’s locker with a sign, a boy waiting at a girl’s house with candles and a teddy bear, or a boy showing up at a girl’s athletic practice with a cake that has frosting spelling out “prom”.

The days of asking out your date with a simple question seem to be becoming more and more a thing of the past. Some students are all for this trend while others find the pressure of these deeds to be evolving into something too big.

In speaking with four students with a diverse array of romantic backgrounds, one common theme seemed to stand out; everyone could get excited about the idea of promposals, whether they wanted to ask someone or not. Asking someone in this way isn’t for everyone, but all spectacles can be entertaining.

Ethan Seylar ’18 has been dating Callie Dains ’18 for over three years. The two have gone to three West High dances together, and this upcoming prom will make it four. Seylar appreciates promposals because of the theatrics and planning involved. This prom season, he asked Dains by planning a flash mob for her based on the movie, “La La Land”.

“I think they’re kind of fun. It’s a fun expression of how you enjoy someone and also usually they have some good puns. I really like the ones that are very elaborate because they’re fun to see and have on social media.” said Seylar.

Seylar likes the idea of doing something special for Dains to build excitement for the dance. He enjoys any excuse to step into the spotlight for a minute, and being able to ask Dains in a creative way is no exception. “I’m a little more wild than Callie, more theatrical. She’s great but I’m the more expressive one in that manner.”

Promposals have been criticized because of the idea that they boost typical gender stereotyping of a guy having to take control of a situation by asking a girl to prom. Seylar notes that while this has been a trend, there isn’t really a need for this to continue.

“I don’t think there’s a good reason [for boys always asking girls] except that that’s the way it’s been, and then not a lot of couples are dynamic enough to change that. But there should be no reason why any one gender should ask. I think the way that it keeps happening is just tradition.”

Sofia Perez ’17 agrees. “We were raised on this idea of the man asking for a woman’s hand in marriage, the boy pays for a date, et cetera. So I feel in my heart that I want [to be asked] because it creates this romantic sense, but I also think it’s wonderful when the girl asks the guy.”

Prom 2017 will be Perez’ sixth and final West High dance. While Perez considers herself a strong feminist, she doesn’t feel a need to protest the typical standards of promposals and instead sees each individual case to belong to a set of rules of its own.

“It should be either person’s responsibility, not one or the other. It’s also hard if you’re dating or just pals because there are different ways of going about asking. If you’re dating, you’ve probably talked about going to prom together. If you’re just asking someone on a whim, it’s usually a harder deal to figure out who’s asking.” said Perez.

However, Perez does feel that promposals can be too big of a deal. “I think they can be fun, but they also sometimes can go too far. I don’t like using the word ‘extra’ but some ideas I’ve seen have been too extra.” She finds it a bit over-the-top when people have made their promposal into some sort of grand activity that involves complex steps or a large gift.

When it comes to Sasha Tyler ’18, she couldn’t be more thrilled by the idea of promposals. Tyler has been waiting for prom since her first steps through West’s doors and is beyond happy that it’s finally her turn to attend. “I’m really excited, [but] kind of stressed. But yay! First prom ever!”

Tyler doesn’t think that promposals are necessary to a good prom experience, but she likes how they bring excitement to prom season. When it comes to promposals, she believes that standing out as an individual is key. No two promposals are exactly alike, and Tyler finds joy in seeing all the ways people ask each year. “I really like the variety of ways to ask, as well as the puns and creativity.”

Along those same lines, Perez appreciates the growing diversity of promposals that have taken place over the past few years. She believes that a lot of the fun of promposals comes from the fact that promposals force many people out of their shells, “I like that they give people the courage to ask someone face to face. It gives people the maturity to not just ask someone over text.” While some gripe and groan about having to find an interesting way to ask their date each year, it’s become clear that just sending someone a quick text won’t quite make the grade anymore.

Alternatively, Jackson Elkins ’18 feels that promposals aren’t necessarily for every couple. “It depends on the relationship and the people in it. Some people like flashy things and I think it’s sometimes become more about popularity than the people it involves. …I think that they’re fun but put a lot of pressure on people to [ask their date] in a creative way. You should do [your promposal] for the person you’re asking and for that person only.”

Elkins is the current co-president of West High’s Gay-Straight Alliance, “Colors”. He’s noticed that while promposals are exciting to see, sometimes they can have a negative effect on LGBTQ+ high school students. “The impact is more subtle. When someone sees people getting asked but they don’t have anyone to go with, that can feel isolating. Asking a friend of the opposite gender can feel like heteronormativity but asking a friend of the same gender can also make things uncomfortable sometimes.”

Nationwide, the past decade has become a much more accepting environment for LGBTQ+ students and West High is no exception. While this is the case, Elkins believes that prom isn’t an occasion that all students can feel totally comfortable bringing a date of the same sex.

“The culture’s changed [at West] and become more accepting, but kids at other schools might feel uncomfortable going with or asking someone [of the same sex] as a friend because not everywhere is accepting as West can be.”  said Elkins.

So it seems that promposal culture has its upsides and downsides. The growing need to impress peers can accumulate into a pressure that not everyone likes, but doing something thoughtful for someone you love is a highly rewarding feeling. Asking someone out in such a public and vulnerable way isn’t a position that everyone wants to put themselves it. However, this way of spreading spread compassion and good puns is something that high schoolers seem to have grown to love.