Living in Two Different Worlds

Like it or not. You’re biracial. When it comes to filling out forms. You are forced to choose between the two. On this form, you must choose whether you’ll be African American or Caucasian. The decision will affect how you’ll be looked at but could also impact you in many different ways. You never thought because of the choice your parents made you would have to be in this situation making this hard choice. Being biracial today can be difficult. It often seems as if you are forced to have to act a certain way or pick between the two. But why would you have to pick between the two if you are both?

My mother is Caucasian and my father is African American. The thought of having to choose is unbearable, I feel as if I am embarrassed of one when not choosing it. Will I be looked at differently? Why does it really even matter what race I am on this form? I feel as if I am saying I like one more than I do the other, which is definitely not true there’s pros and cons to both but I love both. If the forms aren’t enough society makes me have to feel as if I have to choose also. Do I have to act, dress, speak a certain way when I go to certain places with family, friends, my mother, or my father?

My families are two different kinds of people and when visiting the other it always seems like sometimes there’s always something off. When visiting my mom’s family, me and my siblings always feel as we are being judged by certain parts of my family. We know our family loves us but they seem as if something about us is different and that difference always seems to be brought up. If my father doesn’t show up it always seems like a ‘go figure thing,’ like, ‘duh, of course he wouldn’t come.’ “What does he not like us?”, “Where has your dad been?”, “Something’s always wrong with him.” They won’t say it to us but they will always talk about it quietly amongst one another. I know they love him but it almost feels like I know I’ll have to defend my dad when going to see my mom’s family without him.

My father’s family is definitely not perfect but they never seem to have anything to say about my mom negatively. Maybe it’s because when we go see them, she’s always with us. But I know that when going down to Michigan where most my Father’s family lives , color isn’t a thing, they wouldn’t care what race my mother was as long as she loves and respects everyone. They enjoy her company and love telling her hair ideas and all sorts of cultural things and my mother loves learning about that.

When it comes to school, it’s kinda weird when living in Illinois. The fact that I’m mixed wasn’t really a big deal. The majority of us were multiracial and if they weren’t they know what it was. Everyone was open with open arms no matter what. But when moving to Iowa it was as if they admired or hadn’t seen biracial people before. Everyone wanted to be that, being “light skin” was the thing. I was often told you’re really pail for a “light skin”. And “oh my gosh you’re so cute for a “light skin”. “You could pass as white if you maybe lighten and straighten your hair.” As if I needed to be ashamed that I was also African American. School and the environment made it feel as if I had to choose one or the other because groups tended to be the “white girls”, the “black girls”, the “hispanic girls” and all sort of others. But one group that wasn’t a thing was a “biracial group of girls”. I hung out with both Caucasians and African Americans but they would often make me choose. “You’re spending too much time with them”. Or even when I would do something that was stereotyped as one or the other. It would often be looked at as why are you doing that? “Stay with them, if you gonna act like/do that.”

Others need to understand identity and look beyond skin color. People’s background should not be assumed based off looks or the way they act. Being able to identify with two races has helped me realize that our society needs to be more accepting of people who are multiracial. I and others of more than one race shouldn’t have to choose which race we identify with most because we are both, not just one or the other. My hope is that people will be more careful with their words and judgments.